i spent a total of $105.00 on my medical bills.
and all i got was, i am being referred to another specialist.
my uncle commented something and i am somehow offended. but well. i am sick and tired or rather immuned to his ridiculous comments. it feel like he need a dose of commenting people every year know? what is this man? i simply dont understand.
i cried like mad while on the phone. i thought i am going to die or something. thou i am still not sure if "that" will really happen. on someone so HEALTHY like me. i am waiting for my appointment.
it scares me totally. reality is really harsh on human beings like ME definitely. at least. for now.
i wish so hard that my sweetheart is with me. so that i need not hear others comments or feel as thou i owe them a living. oh well not living, owe them a drive back home.
sweetheart shown me his unconditional love. making me feel so wanted and needed. and cared for. it just sadden me that i thought i should actually get it from my own immediate family.
not only spare a thought of how worried i am for my health sake. said things i dont wish to even hear. if my dad is here, would i need you? if my dad is here, would i even want you? dad wanted someone to be with me. and hell i know who will?
i asked for noone but just my loved one. definitely not them. i asked for my brother. but he left me for his friends instead. im quite sadden by that but well.. i forgive him.
i called dad up to ask for help with the medical expenses. not help to send me around. or rather to send me around and hear comments that i dont wish to hear.
i feel i have no need to explain why did i ringed my dad up. coz HE IS MY DAD for goodness sake.
and seriously, i did nothing wrong to them. but why am i always the one tolerating the comments given? it is not once that i receive this kinda "treatment" be it in commenting or whatever. its not the first time know? especially at the totally wrong time.
oh. it is not them. its just a person. tonight. but usually its two person together ganging up to give comments i feel it is totally needless to be given. should be three. added in one during xmas? dont remember. it was a small incident but yah. probably the family. i always put it behind me and moved on. but time and time again it happened. whenever i see them. do they even feel that i am unhappy when they give this kinda STUPID remark?
how would you feel if you are to be in my shoes?
it is because of such "caring" relatives i have. i feel that my friends and workmates out there are more likely my Family. sounds ridiculous? but yes its true.
do you understand LOVE. i mean yah L.O.V.E?
then again, who will even bother if i am alive or dead? beside my family outside.....
i had a horrible night. i am SAD. S.A.D.
oh ya. thanks nelson. for everything.